Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
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