I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
Pants are for mortals
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
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