If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
Randomize
