but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
