You made me cry and you don't even care
I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
Randomize
