I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
Randomize