if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
Randomize