she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
Randomize
