he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
