the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
Randomize
