he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Randomize
