why didn't you poke me back
i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Randomize
