So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
Randomize
