so explain again why im purple
no
I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
