Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
Randomize
