after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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