So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
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