Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
Randomize
