Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
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Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
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