Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize
