benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
Randomize
