OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
Randomize
