Having a random hookup so left but love u
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize
