I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
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At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
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