I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
Randomize
