Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
Verdict: uncircumcised.
Randomize
