HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
