i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize
