I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
Randomize
