hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
