just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
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I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
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