so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
Randomize
