actually, I'm a sock model
why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
Randomize
