by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
