Your dad touched me again.
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
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