Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
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