she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
Randomize
