Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
Randomize
