I faked an abortion last night.
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
Randomize
