he shaved USA in his pubs
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
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