is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Randomize
