In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
Randomize
