Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
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