you traded sex for a burrito?
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
Randomize
