I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
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