I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
Randomize
