he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
She's not a foreskin expert like you
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
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