I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Randomize
