the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
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