i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
Last time i carry you out of a forest
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize
