When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
Randomize
