Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
Ketchup is God's man juice
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
Randomize
