even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Randomize
