He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
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