He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
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