It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
Randomize
