wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
Randomize
