she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
Randomize
