I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
Randomize
