The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
Why is there bacon in the couch?
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
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