gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Randomize