what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
So much Jack, so little girl.
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
This couple is walking their pig around campus
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Randomize
