theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
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She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
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I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
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